Nobody makes me bleed my own blood
Friday, March 31
Thursday, March 30
Winnie Cooper - Still Hot, and Smarter Than You
For those of us who grew up watching The Wonder Years, many of us cut our masturbatory teeth with Winnie Cooper.
Well it seems she's still hot. Not only that, she’s smarter than the average bar hopping bimbo working for her next breast augmentation; or maybe that's just Dallas for you.
Anyway, cheers Winnie; I'm still a fan.
Well it seems she's still hot. Not only that, she’s smarter than the average bar hopping bimbo working for her next breast augmentation; or maybe that's just Dallas for you.
Anyway, cheers Winnie; I'm still a fan.
La Vie Boheme
Just a quick hitter, but P is no longer allowed to pick out movies after making me sit through Rent.
You may call me uncouth, red-neck; say I lack culture, whatever, but I loath this movie with every fiber of my being.
If you've never been to see the live stage performance, or picked this up at your local Blockbuster, here is what you're missing.
There are a group of friends; they're all young adults living in the Bohemian Lower East Side of New York. I'm guessing it's somewhere around the mid to late 80's. They're functional bohemians though, if by functional you mean they have yet to succumb to their drug addictions, HIV infections, or starvation. Though it is squalor, it's theirs, and they're living in it.
What is the purpose of this movie? Fuck if I know, but it seems, to be the heroine, you need to do heroin, be starving poor, or gay. Oh, and God forbid if you make a success of yourself and grow up. If you do, you’ll be looked down upon by old friends, who, you know, are asked not to come into a restaurant because they're known for not paying.
Why did I finish this movie? I was hoping that there would be a happy ending for the Mole, and everyone would die of the AIDS they contracted. Only one did though....disappointing.
Are there any redeeming qualities from Rent? One, Rent provided an opening sequence to Trey Parker and Matt Stone's (South Park) Team America: World Police. The hero of that movie, is in an off broadway performance of a show called Lease. We first see the charater of Gary performing a number called "Everybody Has AIDS". (I laughed till I cried)
Moral: I guess there is a good reason to burn books, that reason being if Rent was also adapted into paper back form.
Exploding ham filled Michael Moore Marionette > ((bad actors + bad script) x (horrible songs))
You may call me uncouth, red-neck; say I lack culture, whatever, but I loath this movie with every fiber of my being.
If you've never been to see the live stage performance, or picked this up at your local Blockbuster, here is what you're missing.
There are a group of friends; they're all young adults living in the Bohemian Lower East Side of New York. I'm guessing it's somewhere around the mid to late 80's. They're functional bohemians though, if by functional you mean they have yet to succumb to their drug addictions, HIV infections, or starvation. Though it is squalor, it's theirs, and they're living in it.
What is the purpose of this movie? Fuck if I know, but it seems, to be the heroine, you need to do heroin, be starving poor, or gay. Oh, and God forbid if you make a success of yourself and grow up. If you do, you’ll be looked down upon by old friends, who, you know, are asked not to come into a restaurant because they're known for not paying.
Why did I finish this movie? I was hoping that there would be a happy ending for the Mole, and everyone would die of the AIDS they contracted. Only one did though....disappointing.
Are there any redeeming qualities from Rent? One, Rent provided an opening sequence to Trey Parker and Matt Stone's (South Park) Team America: World Police. The hero of that movie, is in an off broadway performance of a show called Lease. We first see the charater of Gary performing a number called "Everybody Has AIDS". (I laughed till I cried)
Moral: I guess there is a good reason to burn books, that reason being if Rent was also adapted into paper back form.
Exploding ham filled Michael Moore Marionette > ((bad actors + bad script) x (horrible songs))
Wednesday, March 29
People This Fat........*sigh*
This article makes me sick
For those of you not willing to click the above link, an ambulance company that services the Las Vegas area in Nevada has purchased a quarter of a million dollar ambulance to handle patients weighing more than 500 pounds. The article goes on to state that their crews have been called on 75 times in the past six months to handle morbidly obese patients.
Pay attention, there is a reason why these people are labeled "MORBIDLY OBESE".
This money would be better spent researching Charles Darwin's theory of Natural Selection. Why do they get the fancy new ambulance? They obviously don't care enough about themselves to try and stop shoving entire 12-inch hoagies down their throats in one bite.
The Operation manager at American Medical Response (ambulance company) even states that these people are difficult to handle, and are unsafe for paramedics, emergency medical technicians, and themselves. They're a menace to society! He also states that their job is to get the patient where they need to go in a dignified manner. This entire statement makes absolutely no sense. The 750lbs piggy that is mentioned left dignity oh about 400 or so pounds ago, and that's only if they were at one time a professional football player for sumo wrestler.
I'm going for a bike ride. I need to clear my head.
For those of you not willing to click the above link, an ambulance company that services the Las Vegas area in Nevada has purchased a quarter of a million dollar ambulance to handle patients weighing more than 500 pounds. The article goes on to state that their crews have been called on 75 times in the past six months to handle morbidly obese patients.
Pay attention, there is a reason why these people are labeled "MORBIDLY OBESE".
This money would be better spent researching Charles Darwin's theory of Natural Selection. Why do they get the fancy new ambulance? They obviously don't care enough about themselves to try and stop shoving entire 12-inch hoagies down their throats in one bite.
The Operation manager at American Medical Response (ambulance company) even states that these people are difficult to handle, and are unsafe for paramedics, emergency medical technicians, and themselves. They're a menace to society! He also states that their job is to get the patient where they need to go in a dignified manner. This entire statement makes absolutely no sense. The 750lbs piggy that is mentioned left dignity oh about 400 or so pounds ago, and that's only if they were at one time a professional football player for sumo wrestler.
I'm going for a bike ride. I need to clear my head.
Birthin' Babies - Britney Update
Looks like the AP has picked up the whole Britney Sculpture thing I had a blog posting about a few days back. Click here to fulfill your lactiferous jones.
Tuesday, March 28
I've Been Scratched
Well, they say there are two kinds of officials in this world; those that a school has scratched, and those who have yet to be scratched by a school. Well, I entered the "scratched" ranks of a particular High School this past week. For those of you that don't officiate, that means I am no longer allowed to call at this school. Now I'm forced to ask myself the question why? Why did this coach feel the need to scratch me? What did I do to make her pull the trigger? Why do I care?
Looking back on the game, it was pretty uneventful. The coach in question won, and I really had no hard calls to make. However there were three instances where she had to come out of the dugout and question my call. The first two were for the call "illegal pitch". It's the softball equivalent to a balk, and there are several different things that can occur for a pitch to be illegal. My call was made simply for what is known as the "Leap". In the Federation book (High School Rule Book) a leap is defined under Rule 2, Article 4, Section 33: "A Leap is when both feet are airborne by the pitcher prior to delivering the pitch", easy right? Slow down there cowboy, not when you coach in North East Texas, and you pitched for a junior college whose acceptance policy is that you have a tongue ring, and can dance to euro-trash techno while contorting your hands holding glow sticks. This stupid heifer wants to pull out the old "she's not gaining any advantage" line on me too. You know, if she wasn't gaining an advantage then why would the National Federation of State High School Associations have it in their book? Is it their contempt for trees? Do they feel the need to print insignificant shit just to waste paper? No, It's a rule you tard, get used to it.
So this call gets levied on her a few more times and she is none to happy with the old Mole. That's fine, she's not the first coach to be upset with me and she won't be the last. But, I'm doing my job, I'm doing it well, and her players are cheating. It's as simple as that.
It gets better though. Later in the game we have a steal and the defender is blocking the runner’s access to the bag. The runner slides into the defender; the defender catches the ball, and puts a tag down. Me, I rule "dead ball" give the signal for delayed dead-ball, verbalize "OBSTRUCTION" and rule the runner safe. This call however doesn't sit well with coach, so she calls time and waddles her fat ass across the field to question my call....again. "Blue, I have to appeal this one. She got the tag on before the runner reached the base, you totally missed it". To which I responded, "Coach I'm not going to disagree with you but this runner is safe as a result of the obstruction". She then proceeds to do what all professional coaches do, she rolls her eyes like she's lacking a constant flow of oxygen to her brain, and stomps back to the dugout. Does she ask me for a rule interpretation, does she ask what I saw and why I ruled what I did? No, panting because she had to remove her gelatinous can off that damn ball bucket, she just drags herself back to the dugout. No other comments, no words exchanged the rest of the game, and following day, I'm scratched. Again, to quote the book, Rule 2-Article 4-Section 36:
I've been stewing on this for a few days, and there are two things I find upsetting. One, if you're a coach, don't come to me arguing a call when you haven't spent the time and effort to read the damn book. The thing isn't really long, and it's not Homer. It's easy to comprehend the first time through. Secondly, if you're an official, grow a proverbial pair, let them drop, and make the call. Some of you are so eff’n scared of a coach it's laughable. They're just people, like us. By not making that call you're doing a disservice not only to your fellow official who comes in behind you making that call, but to the girls playing, and the integrity of the game. Because of the ineptitude of a coach that is either illiterate, or should work on her reading comprehension; and my fellow officials that won't make the hard call because they don't know to, or because they're a pussy, I'm scratched.
Oh and one other thing, to her red-neck dad that uses "cain't" and can't seem to pronounce the 'G' in the 'ing' suffix, you sucked when you called ball. You didn't have the sack for the job and that's why you quit. Do us all a favor and quit trying to recite rules you didn't know 5 years ago and have changed since you pussied out of calling.
I'll be working toward my college try out while you're trying to keep your daughter from dating "them boys"
Clown
Looking back on the game, it was pretty uneventful. The coach in question won, and I really had no hard calls to make. However there were three instances where she had to come out of the dugout and question my call. The first two were for the call "illegal pitch". It's the softball equivalent to a balk, and there are several different things that can occur for a pitch to be illegal. My call was made simply for what is known as the "Leap". In the Federation book (High School Rule Book) a leap is defined under Rule 2, Article 4, Section 33: "A Leap is when both feet are airborne by the pitcher prior to delivering the pitch", easy right? Slow down there cowboy, not when you coach in North East Texas, and you pitched for a junior college whose acceptance policy is that you have a tongue ring, and can dance to euro-trash techno while contorting your hands holding glow sticks. This stupid heifer wants to pull out the old "she's not gaining any advantage" line on me too. You know, if she wasn't gaining an advantage then why would the National Federation of State High School Associations have it in their book? Is it their contempt for trees? Do they feel the need to print insignificant shit just to waste paper? No, It's a rule you tard, get used to it.
So this call gets levied on her a few more times and she is none to happy with the old Mole. That's fine, she's not the first coach to be upset with me and she won't be the last. But, I'm doing my job, I'm doing it well, and her players are cheating. It's as simple as that.
It gets better though. Later in the game we have a steal and the defender is blocking the runner’s access to the bag. The runner slides into the defender; the defender catches the ball, and puts a tag down. Me, I rule "dead ball" give the signal for delayed dead-ball, verbalize "OBSTRUCTION" and rule the runner safe. This call however doesn't sit well with coach, so she calls time and waddles her fat ass across the field to question my call....again. "Blue, I have to appeal this one. She got the tag on before the runner reached the base, you totally missed it". To which I responded, "Coach I'm not going to disagree with you but this runner is safe as a result of the obstruction". She then proceeds to do what all professional coaches do, she rolls her eyes like she's lacking a constant flow of oxygen to her brain, and stomps back to the dugout. Does she ask me for a rule interpretation, does she ask what I saw and why I ruled what I did? No, panting because she had to remove her gelatinous can off that damn ball bucket, she just drags herself back to the dugout. No other comments, no words exchanged the rest of the game, and following day, I'm scratched. Again, to quote the book, Rule 2-Article 4-Section 36:
- "Obstruction is the act of the defensive team member that hinders or impedes a batter's attempt to make contact with a pitched ball or that impedes the progress of a runner or batter-runner who is legally running the bases, unless the fielder is in possession of the ball or is fielding a batted ball. The act may be intentional or unintentional, physical or verbal."
I've been stewing on this for a few days, and there are two things I find upsetting. One, if you're a coach, don't come to me arguing a call when you haven't spent the time and effort to read the damn book. The thing isn't really long, and it's not Homer. It's easy to comprehend the first time through. Secondly, if you're an official, grow a proverbial pair, let them drop, and make the call. Some of you are so eff’n scared of a coach it's laughable. They're just people, like us. By not making that call you're doing a disservice not only to your fellow official who comes in behind you making that call, but to the girls playing, and the integrity of the game. Because of the ineptitude of a coach that is either illiterate, or should work on her reading comprehension; and my fellow officials that won't make the hard call because they don't know to, or because they're a pussy, I'm scratched.
Oh and one other thing, to her red-neck dad that uses "cain't" and can't seem to pronounce the 'G' in the 'ing' suffix, you sucked when you called ball. You didn't have the sack for the job and that's why you quit. Do us all a favor and quit trying to recite rules you didn't know 5 years ago and have changed since you pussied out of calling.
I'll be working toward my college try out while you're trying to keep your daughter from dating "them boys"
Clown
Friday, March 24
BRITNEY SPEARS - NUDE!!!
So, maybe it's ironic to mention Britney Spears and art in the same sentence but the following link takes to you to an artist's "Monument to Pro-Life". Though this may not be the way many of us guys (and some you fine ladies) wanted to see Mrs. Federline naked, I had to share this corner of the net when I read:
"Natural aspects of Spears’ pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean’s head."
Disclaimer: This is in no way a reflection of the Mole's view on the "pro-life/pro-choice" issue, only a slight affinity for the word "lactiferous".
Thursday, March 23
Assholes Invade Dallas!!!!!
I refuse to comment about their other new player for fear of swallowing wrong, but it now seems the Dallas Cowboys are attempting to corner the market on every douche-bag in the NFL.
In a statement released by the Cowboys; next week they plan on raping your mom, and shooting your dog.
Wednesday, March 15
Fix Your Computer, Get Free Music
For those of you that haven't been following the lawsuit against Sony BMG with their Digital Rights Management System (DRM), it's over, and Sony lost. The thing is, I'm betting a lot of people don't know how to submit claims. Hell, I've been following this thing since the beginning and I didn't know how. Lucky for us the fine folks at Electronic Frontier Foundation have provided a link for easy access to Sony's claim form.
People, this is important. Review these lists and send back your CDs. This lawsuit has set the ground work to help keep our lives safe in the digital age. The root-kit software that is installed from these CDs not only limits what you can do with the music you RIGHTFULLY OWN, but also makes your computer vulnerable to hacking attacks.
Since I knew what I was getting when I bought the 4 CDs that have this malicious software on them I was able to bypass it, but I'm sure many of you didn't know, and hopefully this will help
UNITE!
Monday, March 13
The Austin Experience
The Mole is tired, not mentally just physically. It's been a long time since I've done this kind of marathon drinking. Who would have thought that you could ingest this much alcohol trying to watch high school basketball?
This weekend's trip to Austin to watch the boy’s high school championship tournament was fun and strange. Everyday presented a new experience, a new challenge, and on occasion, new friends. Though the Deuce, Dub-C, and I managed to stay out of trouble most of the time, all while keeping our alcohol level above the legal limit, the experiences we had will be things I'll never forget.
I'm going to elaborate later but to tease a bit, here is a list of things overheard throughout the weekend.
*Judge, your sausage is great.
*Taj has put on 80lbs since Van Wilder.
*Are you looking for the really intoxicated guy that we found curled up in some guy’s doorway, passed out?
*Talk slow, I'm with the police.
*I'm trying to stay out of the drunk tank, and you guys go to Brokeback Mountain?
*We've got a situation, we're a man heavy.
*My manager says you're cut off, but don't worry, I'll still serve you.
*I swallowed wrong.
*My Bus doesn't go the Erwin Center, but if you toss your beers I'll take you.
*My son....(insert dad living vicariously comments here)
*Lets order every flavor of margarita they have
*Can't have kids, low sperm count, small sack, all cock
*(talking on the phone) Yeah, we're at an asian bath house. Flea just puked, we're singing karaoke, and about to get happy endings, where are you?
This weekend's trip to Austin to watch the boy’s high school championship tournament was fun and strange. Everyday presented a new experience, a new challenge, and on occasion, new friends. Though the Deuce, Dub-C, and I managed to stay out of trouble most of the time, all while keeping our alcohol level above the legal limit, the experiences we had will be things I'll never forget.
I'm going to elaborate later but to tease a bit, here is a list of things overheard throughout the weekend.
*Judge, your sausage is great.
*Taj has put on 80lbs since Van Wilder.
*Are you looking for the really intoxicated guy that we found curled up in some guy’s doorway, passed out?
*Talk slow, I'm with the police.
*I'm trying to stay out of the drunk tank, and you guys go to Brokeback Mountain?
*We've got a situation, we're a man heavy.
*My manager says you're cut off, but don't worry, I'll still serve you.
- Further: Raise your hand if you've ever been cut off at 1:30pm...
*I swallowed wrong.
*My Bus doesn't go the Erwin Center, but if you toss your beers I'll take you.
*My son....(insert dad living vicariously comments here)
*Lets order every flavor of margarita they have
*Can't have kids, low sperm count, small sack, all cock
*(talking on the phone) Yeah, we're at an asian bath house. Flea just puked, we're singing karaoke, and about to get happy endings, where are you?
Tuesday, March 7
Cheerleaders? Only the ASU ones matter
I'm sure many of you have all seen the Southern Illinois cheerleader who fell during a half-time performance. During her routine, trying to ignite fire into the "Saluki" faithful, in attendance at the Conference Finals for the Men's Missouri Valley Conference Basketball Tournament; she fell, hurt herself, and while being wheeled off on a stretcher moved her arms in the cheer motion to what I guess was the fight song that was being played.
I'm sick of it, and all the sports show's covering it.
Is this really news? I mean we've got Duke getting their ass handed to them on a regular basis the past few weeks. Gonzaga can only seem to squeak out wins against middle school B teams. Digger Phelps is picking
This cheerleader means about as much to the NCAA sports world as Nicholas Sparks means to creative writing.
Personally there is only ONE NCAA cheerleader that has any kind of merit in my life, and thanks to the fine people at The M Zone you too can now get to know her. Ms. Courtney Cox or Courtney Simpson as she's sometimes credited has now broken out of the confines of the high moral standard that all ladies of the Pac-10 adhere to, and is staring is such fine films as Double Dutch, 2-on-1 #22 - Oral Antics, and Vault of Whores.
If you ask me ole' Courtney is getting the shaft. She should be the one with a spread in the sport's section. I honestly can't believe more journalists haven't jumped on her story, but I for
Seriously, Cheerleaders, Drill Teams and Marching Bands are like court jesters. They're there to simply fill in holes while the real entertainment is on a break (half-time, time outs). The water boys are more important than these nondescript ninnies are. Without water-boys, who would keep the real athletes hydrated to actually compete?
Cheerleaders and the like are carnie sideshows that should be happy that there are actual team sports around to give them a purpose in life. Without football, basketball, and the like, these young women would be forced to simply have sex with our top athletes without a cute fetish uniform to wear.
Now, don't let the Mole fool you, I don't mind cheerleaders at games, but I would like to see something orginal. Maybe teams could hire Skank from The Crow? He'd be way better than pom-pom's being waived to Gary Glitter tunes.
Fire it Up! Fire it Up!
Friday, March 3
The Deuce
I'm not sure if any of you read my previous post about my buddy Deuce, but when he's had enough, he's had enough. Check it out here.
Well it seems he's had enough, again. This is pulled directly from his e-mail, only the names are changed.
- I have a new bit with homeless people. There's this hobo who hangs out at my local Starbucks who always is asking for change, and when people ignore him, he gets visibly irritated. Occasionally he makes a remark. Very uncomfortable, and I wish they'd just run him off. Anyway, this morning I see him coming up to the car when I'm getting out. Before he can say anything, I quickly started in:
- Deuce: Hey dude, can you spare me a buck for some coffee?
Hobo: (looking very confused) uhhhh, I was going to ask the same thing.
D: (acting like I didn't hear him answer acting very impatient) Well, can you?
Hobo: Nah, I'm broke, pal.
D: Greedy bastard. All you people are just alike.
This is your chance people, I get tired of entertaining all by myself. Get off your lazy ass and put some thoughts on the proverbial paper.
Thursday, March 2
Feel Good Story
There are some people that actually don't like my blog. Some people have made the statement that it's "vulgar". Personally, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about, but maybe they'll read this and get a warm fuzzy.
So, the Mole doesn't usually celebrate the "feel good story". That can be saved for the drones that watch that media whore Oprah. However, I'm going to make an exception here for what some have said is the only part of my life that doesn't fit "me"; NASCAR. Clicking here will take you to an article about Elliott Sadler; the driver of the #38 M&M sponsored Ford Fusion and his buddies. It's the story about how he flew some buddies out to Vegas to hang out with him while his team was testing for the race that will be held there next week. Well, they hit the jack-pot on a slot machine to the tune of $100,000, and a Care-Bear rode in on a Unicorn and gave them their winnings in cute little solid gold butterflies.
I hate feel good stories.
The thing I do find humorous is how that scene must have played out. You see, Sadler has a very thick accent. Honestly I'd compare him to Brad Pitt's Pikey character in Snatch. His thick
Anyway, enough of that, have you seen the Bounce-O-Meter?
Wednesday, March 1
The Shock Absorber
The Mole doesn't have many weaknesses outside of free alcohol, loose women, and large boobs.
Large boobs have been my achilles heel for some time, and now our genius friends from across the pond have developed a new way to exploit my weakness, while holding the "girls" back during a vigorous workout. It's called the "Shock Absorber" sports bra and you can watch a demonstration by clicking here. I suggest every red blooded male with working plumbing check this out. It's almost as good as that first time you saw a Playboy.
As a side note, this company gets bonus points for calling their website the Bounce-O-Meter.
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