Somebody Call The Discovery Channel

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That's right bitches, there's a reason why Buffalos are on the endangered species list. The white guys with the guns shot 'em all. Fuck you to Tony Romo, for doing everything short of killing my mother and having sex with her dead corpse to ruin my birthday. Hooray $5 dollar pitchers and drunk blogging. Hooray to Nick Folk, I think that's his name; for giving a freshly turned 30 year old something to scream about. I wish 1,000 felatings from Buffalo's finest this evening.

"Yeah, I'd blow a kicka, sho-wa"

Requiem For The Cowboys

I'm going to make this short because having to think of the last moments of the Cowboy's loss to the Seahawks makes me want to hit kittens with a hammer.

Our Motto: "The only good cat is a dead cat."

That being said, Tony Romo got was he deserved on Saturday night. You see Tony, when you date a vegetarian country singer, you'll forget how to handle the leather, bub.

Drew Bledsoe live blogged the event from the sidelines because we all know a QB of his stature doesn't hold a clip-board. Check his thoughts here.

I Got Your Fat Head Dangling

Looks like Fathead is offering a new wall covering. For those of you women that don't know what Fathead is, it's basically a BIG vinyl cut out of your favorite sports team, or player that can be hung on the wall. For those of you men that don't know what Fathead is, remove your balls from betwixt your legs and be done with it. They advertise every 30 seconds during every sporting event on TV and men watch sports, period.

Anyway, for everyone’s masturbatory pleasure, Fathead now has life sized wall hangings of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. While it seems that only the back of these cut outs is supposed to be sticky, I'm sure Fathead will now have to come up with an official fathead one of these.

To the Mole's dismay, "Grain-vull's" finest isn't one of the three cheerleaders you can order.

The Failure Continues to Fail

When is it funny to make fun of suicide? When it's TO that tries it, that's who! In case you're living under a rock, TO was rushed to Baylor medical center in Dallas last night for an "undisclosed" illness. The local CBS affiliate broke the story this morning that he had actually ingested a ton of pain-killers, trying to end it all.

HAHAHAHAHAHA...............DOUCHE..........can't you do anything right?

This guy is a perpetual loser that has failed at every corner:

*With the 49er's, he couldn't supplant an aging Jerry Rice
*With the Eagles, he couldn't win a Super Bowl or win the team over against it's real leader Donovan McNabb
*With the Cowboys, he's playing second chair to Terry Glenn
*In his generation, he'll never be thought of as the best receiver, Thanks Marvin Harrison!

And now this! I tell you what, if I had been the paramedic on the scene, I would have helped shove the pills down his prima-donna pampered throat. This guy is your typical receiver. Just like they can't do anything on the field unless a quarterback puts a ball in their hands, he can't even kill himself on his own.

Die Terrell, Die.....I won't miss you.

Don't Let Your Babies Grow To Be Cowboys

I'm not sure Willie had the human train-wreck and some Canadian clown in mind when he wrote this song. But needless to say, if I had a son, I'd have a hard time steering him in a direction to cheer for the Cowboys with their two newest members. The two castoffs they picked up this off-season would be better off with Rudolph, Hermey, and Yukon Cornelius on the island of misfit toys; but Jerry Jones has managed to place them in Dallas.

Just as I thought, the least important of the two, and actually the least important person on any football team, the kicker, made what might be the worst analogy of all time. In this article on ESPN.com Mike Vanderjagt stated:

"Michael Jordan missed game-winning jump shots, Tiger Woods missed putts. Does that mean they're not as good as you think they are?"

"I'm the best kicker in the history of the game regardless of whether I missed my last kick or not, and that's the way I look at it."

Lets break this down:

1. Michael Jordan missed game-winning jump shots - He also made 25 game winners with the Bulls alone, 28 total, not the mention the one in the '98 finals to win his sixth and final championship. Hell, Gatorade as built part of their new ad-campaign around one of his game winners and his ability in the clutch. Mike, on the other hand, can't even make a game winner to get his team to the championship game.
   


2. Tiger Woods missed puts - Here's a couple of stats to run by you, 9-1 PGA Tour playoff record, most tour wins by a golfer before the age of 30, not to mention his victories in 10 majors. How many puts did he have to make to get those stats?
   


3. I'm the best kicker in the history of the game - You know, football really isn't a numbers game, that's baseball, but I'll play. I'm not a sports almanac by any means but the one number that counts are those in the win/loss columns. Mike, you don't have enough in the "W" column to call you self the best ever, hell, you're not even the best current kicker in the game, that's Adam Vinatieri, period, end of discussion.
   

The fact is Mike; you have a record of kicking consistency that is very high. There's no doubt in my mind that if the Cowboys had you last season then they win a few more games, and are probably in a dog fight for the conference championship. However, until you make a great kick, a kick that elevates your team into the next round, then you will always the "Idiot Kicker". When the pressures on, you undoubtedly have the biggest mangina ever.

Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.

Assholes Invade Dallas!!!!!

I refuse to comment about their other new player for fear of swallowing wrong, but it now seems the Dallas Cowboys are attempting to corner the market on every douche-bag in the NFL.

In a statement released by the Cowboys; next week they plan on raping your mom, and shooting your dog.

Breaking News: Payton to Coach Saints, Cowboys Rumored to Play Offense Next Season

Let me be the first to thank the Saints for letting us unload Sean Payton. How did this guy get a head position? For that matter, how did he get an NFL OC job? You'd figure with Mel Kiper saying that the Saints are a lock to pick Matt Lienart or Vince Young they'd want to place some QB guru in there to help acclimate them to the NFL game. Leave it to the Saints to hire a guy that had his play calling duties pulled in NY with the Giants, not to mention having the Tuna always looking over his shoulder in Dallas. This is exciting news for me though because I'd love to see Dallas put someone in place that can be creative in their play calling, or at least aggressive.

Prediction, Adam Will Take a Dump Today!

Well, this weekend was a treat with P's graduation, Christmas with her dad, and watching the offensive line all but finish the Cowboy's chance of a playoff appearance. Thanks to their outstanding play the past 5-6 weeks the Cowboys have been reduced to being beaten by the likes of Washington and Denver.

Which brings me to "other" observations. It seems that a friend of mine thinks that the Colts are somehow less of team when compared to the mighty Broncos of Denver. His reasoning behind this mistiful thinking is that the Colts, with Manning at the helm, have not beaten anyone in the playoffs with less than 6 losses. There is no pleasing this guy I guess, because that would mean that beating one of the San Francisco Super Bowl Championship teams of the 80s wouldn't be enough to prove that the Colts are a good team. Further, you could even make the argument that beating the 9-4 Packers, who won it all, back before the 16 game schedule came out wouldn't be enough for the Colts to satisfy him.

That brings me to the Broncos. Mike Shanahan is an average running back's dream coach. Through his implementation of the running game and non-standard O-Line template, he has made household names out of such college stand outs like Reuben Droughns (who?), it's pretty remarkable. It's these types of running backs and the aerial hit-man that is Jake "The Fake" Plummer that has my buddy's hand cupped, and ready to stroke his 2005 football stiffy. He so loves that Denver running game and Mike Shanahan's coaching ability that he has forgotten that Mike and the vaunted Denver rushing attack has done absolutely Jack, or Jake for that matter, shit since Elway retired. Jake Plummer is a perennial loser who has only tasted playoff success against a Cowboy crew that was pretending to be a playoff team. Speaking of fakes, Mike Shanahan quite possibly is the Mack Brown of the NFL; this guy has teams that analysts slurp all year only to piss into the wind when it comes playoff time. What I'm saying is, you can pick them to be "your" team dejour this season, but I'll believe it when I see it. Win a playoff game sometime, like the Colts have.

Then there's the issue of the "band wagon", which is defined as a current fashionable trend. How can pulling for the Colts to win it all be band wagon? They've made it to their conference championship game as recently as 2 years ago. The last time Denver sniffed it, Bill Clinton was flavoring his cigars with the ooze of beret wearing interns, looking to marry into a Martha's Vineyard family. Hell, they've even moved to a new stadium since then. The only band wagon I could have been accused of is the Colts trying for the perfect season, which I've never mentioned. Band wagon is getting behind the Broncos with Jake having his "once in a life time season", since this is the first time in his career that he has been this good, there's a fashionable trend for you. Truly jumping onto a band wagon would be rooting for the Bengals, they do look good though, no?

Then, saying the Colts will lose to the Chargers, who I think are the second best team in the league, then saying after that loss will lose again to the Seahawks is a bold move. First, the Chargers are that good, so for them to beat the Colts is no surprise. Then, after the perfect season is unattainable, with no reason to play their stars in the following game, while their opponent is still trying to wrap up home field advantage, I think it's pretty obvious who will win. Since I'm becoming lactose intolerant it would be like me eating an ice cream cone and predicting that I'm going to have projectile diarrhea afterwards.......No shit, really?

Sigh.

By the way, The Colts have beaten 5 of the 6 3-4 defenses they've faced this season, Peyton seems very confused.