Guitar Queer-O

You know, I wonder sometimes; why did P decide to say yes that day in Vegas? Was it the the margarita haze at the bar in the Venetian while we waited on our gondola ride? Was it my trendy stylish look that afternoon of tattered Levi's, Mick Fanning Reefs, and a button down white shirt with that one extra button undone to show off my mane of man fur? Or was it her glimpse into the future of what she would see when she came home from the gym on Wednesday?

Wednesday as P came home from working out she walked in on me in the living room, left foot hiked up on the fireplace, in my work clothes, talking shit with absolutely no one else in the room, and a fake guitar propped at a 90 degree angle on my right leg. That's right, I was online, playing Guitar Hero III, and talking noise to what was probably a 12 year old who couldn't hear me, and jerks off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog.

P: What are you doing?
Mole: Kicking some kid's ass online.
P: Can they hear what you're saying?
Mole: No.
P: Then why are you talking?
Mole: Because this douche-bag picked Through the Fire and Flames by Dragon Force and the little cock sucker can't even play it. Whoever this little cum-stain is made me play through this fucking song and THEY can't even hit a fucking note!
P: *silence*
Mole: What?
P: *silence*
Mole: Fuck this guy.

That's right, I'm now THAT GUY. I'm the guy that gets on the internet to play complete and total strangers in a game that requires me to put on a fake plastic guitar. I'm the guy that talks shit to the TV, and I'm the guy who now also posts his stats from playing online in his blog to the right. And what does any of this mean? Probably......that I'm gay. So, if any of you think you're a better Guitar Queer-O than the old Mole, and you have a Wii. Just send me a message, and I'll kick your ass too while talking shit to the TV.

I'm waiting, and probably in my "draws"......

Running Sucks, And So Does Your Face

So, it's been over a month since I last posted. Santa came and went, New Year's came and went, and the Cowboy's receivers and offensive line forgot how to catch and block. The Mole hasn't posted much because of the funk surrounding his loss in December. In fact I've been in a funk, most of last year. It's hard to be creative, funny, or motivated in general when so much shitty is happening in your life, but one of things I'm going to do more of this year is get back to blogging; giving you, the people, an inside view of how The Mole's twisted little mind works. I want you to hear my spin on topical events, and I want to be able to make as many dick and fart jokes as humanly possible.

Also, I'm back in the gym. And I'm also one of those lemmings that runs using the Nike+ thing on my iPod. Yes I'm one of those people that has an iPod. I have multiple iPods, and use iTunes religiously. I don't care about your arguments of being locked into Apple's DRM, I don't care about not being able to play my tracks purchased from iTunes on other mp3 players, and I don't care that your mp3 player can make voice recordings and tune to radio stations. The reason I have an iPod is because I HATE listening to radio. All they ever play is garbage packaged to you and your 12 year old daughter that also listens to Metallica. And, in the same way I don't by a car so that I can fly, I don't by an mp3 player to record my voice. I have a voice recorder for that.

*focus Mole*

Right, so last month I weighed in at 213, that's too heavy for the old Mole even though I showed up at a New Year's Party in cheerleading shorts (I wear a women's large in soffee), I feel like it's time to regin my body back into what it looked like about 3 years ago, so I'm working out and running again. You can track my progress of 5ks to the right.

Happy New Year!

I Can't Change Your Mind

What's so funny is nobody's laughing, at this change of heart your having. And what's so funny is I'm filled up with thunder, but I can't seem to get out from under, all these stones, tied to my chest. I can't change your mind.

What's so funny is I'm scared and lonely, and I don't think that I'm the only one as I watch you drive away. And what's so funny is the birds are singing, sun is singing and bells are ringing, and I'm thinking, what happened here. I can't change your mind.

There's a chapel in Minneapolis, and it holds the bones of the dead Saint Ennis. Green grass grows from the ceiling there, it reminds me of the feeling where I first looked into your eyes, and saw the most beautiful birds fly straight into the sun their wings on fire the deed was done. I can't change your mind.

What's so funny is this piece of skin, the one on my arm with your name inked in, what was I thinking. But, what's so funny is the way things go down, like when a star dies it doesn't make a single sound, it's just gone you can't find it when you look into the sky. I can't change your mind. I can't do it.

There's a werewolf out on my front lawn and he's looking pissed off, and he's wet from all the rain. Think I'll go say hi, and offer him a beer.

Honestly, I can't really think about anything right now. I'll be so happy when this year is over and '08 gets here. Life hasn't been bad, but it damn sure hasn't been great and this year, while good in parts, on the whole has been shitty. To many life changing events, to many let downs, and they just simply out weigh the good.

Today I downloaded some new demo songs from one of my favorite artists, a guy named Bob Schneider. The demo above on his Myspace page was just so fucking poignant for me. As big of a funk that I've been in over the past year and half or so, it's nothing compared to the loved ones in my life, and this song hits the nail on the head in so many ways.

Sometimes the hardest things to do in life are to move on and accept things as the are, but we have to. Every day that passes, every hour, every minute, every second, nothing can stay the same; a picture can never be recreated, and sometimes you just can't change a mind. My problem, I'd rather be pissed than move on. My loved ones, they're either clinging to a life that's not there, trying not to give up on a life that is failing, or trying to change a mind that doesn't want to be. We can't go back, it's time to move forward. Sometimes I wonder if we're all strong enough.....

Inward Singing

One the big vice I have is spending money on music. The Mole has never been a vinyl snob, and while 99% of my old tape collection has been replaced with CDs my music buying habit seemed to be in check over the past few years. While on my spree, the Mole racked up a collection of over 600 albums that span the likes of Bach, Type O Negative, The RZA, and Tony Bennett. While each album holds a special place in my heart, it seemed that for around 15 years or so the Mole was like a crack addict when Tuesday rolled around, always searching the new release racks looking for the next cool new sound, it was crazy. We won't even get into the paper dropped on Beastie Boy EPs and singles picked up off EBay, but lets just say that the Beastie's are the Mole's favorite band and my collection is VERY nice. Anyway, the past few months and the current month has seen some awesome releases by some people you've heard of, and probably some you haven't but here's a selection of what I've been listening to and what I have currently pre-ordered on iTunes.

April 3rd - Kings of Leon - Because of the Times: Southern Rock for a new generation

May 1st - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (B.R.M.C.) - Baby 81: Jesus and Mary Chain? Pretty close

May 15th - Wilco - Sky Blue Sky - Hard to classify as a genre, but this album steers back to their country roots

June 19th - The White Stripes - Icky Thump - For me, it'll be hard to out shine their second album De Stijl

June 26th - Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger - Song writing at it's finest, there's no one better right now

June 26th - Beastie Boys - The Mix Up - It's been over 10 years since the B-Boys have released an all instrumental album with The In Sound from the Way Out, but with Money Mark back on the keyboards; this is my second most anticipated release of the year behind Ryan Adams new one.

The habit may have been in check for a little bit, but the music monkey is rearing its head and the Mole is buying a ton of music.....again. iTunes is just too easy.

My First Shameless Plug - Knight Time

So, except for George Light, most of the Mole's buddies reside in my little world under aliases. Why, it could be families, it could be outstanding warrants, or the fact that they're entrepreneurs and MAJOR technology players in a market were people have more money than 50 cent got bullet wounds, and I wouldn't want to hurt them. I'm loyal to my friends.

Break You Self Fool!!!!

Anyway, one of Mole buddies just escaped the clutches of the Indians and their bingo to come back to Texas and take over a radio station. So, the Mole would like to invite everyone around Jacksboro and the surrounding area to check out the morning show on Boss 95.5. Jared Knight (not an alias) has moved from America's version of a third world country to become the morning talent and program director at this newly formed station, and I expect good things from the boy.

Cover Song, Thou Art A Villain

So, the ol' Mole is at work today just minding my own business, printing reports, and what not. Then, I hear it, for the 902nd bagillionth time. You know, it's bad enough that we have some terrible XM radio pumped through my department day after day, but some of the songs that come across this channel seem to have a daily play quota. Most of this stuff is 80s, 90s, and current decade pop, you know, stuff that's overly produced, processed, and is as easily forgettable as the latest Panic at The Disco type garbage. Primarily it's stuff you can listen to and not mind. That is, unless, you have depth of Paris Hilton, or Tara Reid. Then, I'm sure it'll like totally speak to you and your depressing life as you're in your BMW/H2 that mommy and daddy bought you for your 16th birfday, while fumbling through your purse for your Blackberry just to send a text message to your BFF to remind her of your pedicure appointment.

*Sigh*

For the rest of us, we have lives to live and while it's not what I would personally choose to occupy my ears, it's not all that bad. Listening to music of this type is like taking a crap: In mid loaf, I know it's there; but tomorrow there will be another, and it'll still be crap. Oh it might be dressed up or packaged different, but I know it's still crap. *cough* Pink, Fall Out Boy *cough*

This brings me to a certain choice that is played for what seems to be at least 6 times daily. This song is so rancid, and so horrid that it can't just be dismissed as simple crap. The stank from this is that which is born and brewed is the lowest of the bowls. It's a beer shit, it's loose, it's greasy, it's runny, it's the day after pounding back a case of Budweiser (known as Bud Fat round these parts). You can't stand it when it comes, and you can't wait for it to be over, and that my friends is Tim McGraw's version of "When the Stars Go Blue".

It must have been a monumental day for Tim when he woke up and decided to record this song. I can just imagine the conversation he had with Faith Hill:

TM: Honey, I can't decide what to do today, get hair plugs for my bald ass head, or butcher a great song written but another much more talented country artist, and put it on my greatest hits CD.
FH: Tommy
TM: It's Timmy
FH: Whatever, look, I'm too busy snorting coke and counting money to deal with your problems. Just drop our kids off at the nanny for the weekend and make sure to stop by the Home Depot on the way home and pick up some day laborers. I quit banging bald guys after "Breath".
TM: Do they need to speak English?
FH: No, they just can't be bald, oh yeah, and you have to watch again you no talent hack. WHERE ARE MY PLATINUM RAZORS!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T LINE THIS SHIT UP WITH STAINLESS STEAL!!!!!!!!

Seriously. This song, which was written and recorded for Ryan Adam's second album Gold in 2001, is absolutely beautiful. It's just one in a long line of great songs he has written and recorded, lucky for us, Tim McGraw's management must have thought so too. So, he ruined it. For the rednecks, and fake ass cowboys out there in your over starched shirts, and stranglers; or for those of you who have never done a single hard day's work on a farm, and wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a steer and a bull, you're not fooling anyone. The simple fact that you'd buy and listen to this drivel means that you are, in fact, not country. You're as processed as Velveeta, Avril Lavinge, post Death Row Tupac, 'N Sync, The All-American Rejects, and Tim McGraw.

The Mole hates you.

Daily Idiocy

So, yeah, sometimes the most random shit will run thought my mind on a daily basis. So, today I bring to you RAT (Random Adam Thoughts).

Some say that only God will bring peace. I say only Motley Crue will bring "Piece Of Your Action".

Awesome: I Fuckin' Shot That!

Even though their last album was a pretty hit and miss luke-warm effort, most that know the Mole know that I’m an avid Beastie Boys fan. With that in mind this latest news from ign.com has me so excited I may need to get out my official Tenacious D cum rag. On July 25th, the Beastie Boys are releasing their film Awesome: I...*ExpletiveDeletedForRetailPublic* Shot that.

This film was shot during a sold out concert at Madison Square Garden in New York where 50 lucky fans were handed video cameras to document the event. Afterwards, director Nathaniel Hornblower assembled the footage which was first screened at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival, and later put on a limited release in March. We can now personally own the film that won awards such as 2nd Place Best Dressed -LeFrak City Movie Contest.

I'm so looking forward to this. By the way, if you don't like the Beastie Boys, or, if you are a "fan"; you know, a fan who knows all the words to Brass Monkey yet has no idea what a Hip Hop Masterpiece Paul's Boutique is. Please, give me call so I can serve you up a big ice-cream cone of my nuts - with pubic shaving sprinkles.......

It can't be any worse than Rent

Kayne West Doesn't Care About Leasing Agents

You know, when you have platinum album sales, Pamela Anderson to primp for videos, and trying the spearhead riotous comments about George Bush and his efforts to help those effected by Hurricane Katrina; sometimes you'll forget to make payments on your Mercedes G500 (G5-double-O, G-Fi Hun-nod as the rap guys would say).

So, the people who hold the lease are suing ole Kayne Wizzle for back payments, punitive damages, not returning the vehicle, blah, blah, blah.

Kayne West doesn't care about people who have real jobs......

Shout At The Devil

For those of you that can remember when rock was still rock. I'm talking the days when our rock stars sang about banging every chick they came across, instead of a "emo" sad bastard singing about the jock in high school that is banging the chick he can't get because he'd rather gel his hair in his eyes, and play Everquest. For all of you that remember when Cliff Burton was with Metallica and they weren't sandwiched between Avril Lavigne and The Backstreet Boys on TRL I present to you June 6, 2006; The National Day of Slayer. That's right, on 6-6-6 Slayer gets their own Holiday. I remember Slayer playing the first national Ozzfest back in '97 and they were truly awesome. I also remember them milling around the crowd, and I remember shaking Tom Araya's hand. For a group of death metal guys that sing about the Devil and stuff, they were really down to earth.

Strange.....

Anyway, seeing as they have their own Holiday I'm going to start a campaign to get one for GWAR. These guys are freaking awesome if you've never have a chance to see them live.

I'd like to see GWAR chop up and eat most of today's "rock" bands.

Birthin' Babies - Britney Update

Looks like the AP has picked up the whole Britney Sculpture thing I had a blog posting about a few days back. Click here to fulfill your lactiferous jones.

BRITNEY SPEARS - NUDE!!!

So, maybe it's ironic to mention Britney Spears and art in the same sentence but the following link takes to you to an artist's "Monument to Pro-Life". Though this may not be the way many of us guys (and some you fine ladies) wanted to see Mrs. Federline naked, I had to share this corner of the net when I read:

"Natural aspects of Spears’ pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean’s head."

Disclaimer: This is in no way a reflection of the Mole's view on the "pro-life/pro-choice" issue, only a slight affinity for the word "lactiferous".

Fix Your Computer, Get Free Music

For those of you that haven't been following the lawsuit against Sony BMG with their Digital Rights Management System (DRM), it's over, and Sony lost. The thing is, I'm betting a lot of people don't know how to submit claims. Hell, I've been following this thing since the beginning and I didn't know how. Lucky for us the fine folks at Electronic Frontier Foundation have provided a link for easy access to Sony's claim form.

People, this is important. Review these lists and send back your CDs. This lawsuit has set the ground work to help keep our lives safe in the digital age. The root-kit software that is installed from these CDs not only limits what you can do with the music you RIGHTFULLY OWN, but also makes your computer vulnerable to hacking attacks.

Since I knew what I was getting when I bought the 4 CDs that have this malicious software on them I was able to bypass it, but I'm sure many of you didn't know, and hopefully this will help

UNITE!