I Got Your Fat Head Dangling

Looks like Fathead is offering a new wall covering. For those of you women that don't know what Fathead is, it's basically a BIG vinyl cut out of your favorite sports team, or player that can be hung on the wall. For those of you men that don't know what Fathead is, remove your balls from betwixt your legs and be done with it. They advertise every 30 seconds during every sporting event on TV and men watch sports, period.

Anyway, for everyone’s masturbatory pleasure, Fathead now has life sized wall hangings of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. While it seems that only the back of these cut outs is supposed to be sticky, I'm sure Fathead will now have to come up with an official fathead one of these.

To the Mole's dismay, "Grain-vull's" finest isn't one of the three cheerleaders you can order.

Cheerleaders? Only the ASU ones matter

I'm sure many of you have all seen the Southern Illinois cheerleader who fell during a half-time performance. During her routine, trying to ignite fire into the "Saluki" faithful, in attendance at the Conference Finals for the Men's Missouri Valley Conference Basketball Tournament; she fell, hurt herself, and while being wheeled off on a stretcher moved her arms in the cheer motion to what I guess was the fight song that was being played.

I'm sick of it, and all the sports show's covering it.

Is this really news? I mean we've got Duke getting their ass handed to them on a regular basis the past few weeks. Gonzaga can only seem to squeak out wins against middle school B teams. Digger Phelps is picking Texas as his “Dark Horse” to win it all this year. The selections for the NCAA's are right around the corner and THIS is what's coming out of all the sports news outlets posing as college basketball news. What a load of bull-butter.

This cheerleader means about as much to the NCAA sports world as Nicholas Sparks means to creative writing.

Personally there is only ONE NCAA cheerleader that has any kind of merit in my life, and thanks to the fine people at The M Zone you too can now get to know her. Ms. Courtney Cox or Courtney Simpson as she's sometimes credited has now broken out of the confines of the high moral standard that all ladies of the Pac-10 adhere to, and is staring is such fine films as Double Dutch, 2-on-1 #22 - Oral Antics, and Vault of Whores.

If you ask me ole' Courtney is getting the shaft. She should be the one with a spread in the sport's section. I honestly can't believe more journalists haven't jumped on her story, but I for one am not gong to let her go down like that.

Seriously, Cheerleaders, Drill Teams and Marching Bands are like court jesters. They're there to simply fill in holes while the real entertainment is on a break (half-time, time outs). The water boys are more important than these nondescript ninnies are. Without water-boys, who would keep the real athletes hydrated to actually compete?

Cheerleaders and the like are carnie sideshows that should be happy that there are actual team sports around to give them a purpose in life. Without football, basketball, and the like, these young women would be forced to simply have sex with our top athletes without a cute fetish uniform to wear.

Now, don't let the Mole fool you, I don't mind cheerleaders at games, but I would like to see something orginal. Maybe teams could hire Skank from The Crow? He'd be way better than pom-pom's being waived to Gary Glitter tunes.

Fire it Up! Fire it Up!