The Bachelor Party Experience

In keeping with the theme of The Austin Experience post, The Mole is tired. I've had a long weekend due to the efforts of some good friends that took it upon themselves to not only seek out and find women with the highest of moral fiber, but also brave the wilds of Oklahoma and the Davis Mountains (that's Oklahoma for hills). Usually we wouldn't trek up to red corn country, but if we're going to piss and shit all over God's green earth, better to do it in the U.S.'s own version of a third world country.

Since we didn't have a nurse in the group we couldn't actually main-line any of the alcohol, but rest assured that we drank enough beer (bought in Texas BTW) and whiskey this past weekend to last us at least until Vegas. Thankfully I remembered some the things overheard this weekend and here is a nice little list, enjoy.

*I wonder how hard it is to strip with a cast?

*Mole: Dude, that chick has a hemorrhoid
The Communist: I saw that, that's why I got you a lap dance from her.

*(At Subway some where in Oklahoma)
Okie: Whtwudyaliketahalf
Cage: Yams? What????? That's a topping?????

*The Communist: Hey are you going to take your bottoms off.
The Deuce: Na, she's classy.

*Did you see the pit hair on that chick?!

*It smells like Enchiladas and ass!

*I want a lap dance from the midget.

*The red man don't serve firewater in his casinos.

*(While playing penny slots)
What kind of a low rent place is this where I have to get Pepsi, instead of Coke?

*Shuffle up and deal Tonto.

*I can spot a bull dike from a mile away.

*Vet: Damn, there's a lot of Mexicans here.
Mole: Mi Familia.

*Cage: I can't eat cold hot dogs,
Vet: I've eaten meat that said not safe for human consumption....Thanks George W!

*Stripper: You sure you wanna get married?
Mole: Well, it's going to take someone hotter than you to talk me out of it.