HEYYYY YOUUUUU GUYYYYYYYSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Well, this past weekend I've been laid up sick. Friday I had nearly a 103 fever and thought I was going to die. Consequently I didn't post or work on Friday or Monday. It "all encompassingly" sucked but with the antibiotics and the codine cough syrup(yum), I'm feeling better, and I won my home poker game this weekend. Yes me and friends are Hold 'em lemmings Fuck off.

So, I get this phone message from my buddy yesterday. Because of what he does we'll call him "Deuce" as an alias. So as many of you have read, I seem to have a nack for picking on retards. I can compare just about anyone or anything to our limp jawed friends that poop themselves. I thought I was really a terrible person, until Deuce called. Below are the contents of his message.

Hey dude, it's DEUCE I just had a complete Adam moment and I’m calling to share with you. You'll either be very amused and flattered that I associated this moment with you, or insulted; I'm going to bet on the former.

But, I was walking into the grocery store and I couldn't find a little carrying basket, all I could find was a cart. So I asked this guy that was sitting up front where I could find one, and he just kind of muttered something and walked off. I thought to myself OK, so I waited there a minute and finally left to do my shopping. When I came back up there, this is how the conversation went down:


Guy: Hey, I was looking for you! (real angry)
Deuce: (With the manager standing there) “Alright, uhh I didn't understand you.
G: Well I looked all over for you, cause I got this basket for you, and what ever dada dada da.
D: Well you just muttered something incoherent and stormed off. I didn't know what to do, I have shopping to do.
So the manger steps in
Manager: Is there a problem?
D: Na, I got my shopping, I needed a basket, I did my shopping, I didn’t understand this guy, he just muttered something and wondered off.
M: Well sir, he has down syndrome, it would help if you'd be patient with him.
D: I’m being very patient, dude, this is not a big deal. I just had to shop, I couldn't understand him and I didn’t know what he was doing.
M: Well sir, we try to help people out and I'm sorry if he's a little slow.
D: Alright, you know what? Next time, write retarded on him and I'll be patient from the very start.

I just stormed off. He looked quiet shocked, and I figured you'd appreciate it, it's right up your alley.

Later.

Afte hearing that message, in my condition, I was laughing so hard that it was everything I could do to keep from coughing up blood. Deuce is a constant form of entertainment, and I can't wait to go to the state basketball tournament with him in March. Austin+sports+alcohol = stories.

Also, because of this story, I'd like to dedicate my favorite holiday anthem to the little guy at the store, I can never see this enough.