Drugs Ur Bad MmmmKaaaaay

So, NPR (National Public Radio, yeah I don't listen either), had an article on their website about drug addiction and the struggle that it causes the family of the loved ones it affects. For the Mole, I've never done drugs. It's probably the only vice out there that I haven't tried. However, I can appreciate what they can do to a family, from personal experience. It's a tough thing that no one should have to endure.

This is why I feel for the family in the article. Their dog is a drug addict. That's right people, this article tales the tells, and in an audio version no-less, of how their Coker Spaniel "Lady" would suck toxic toads to get high.

I'm sure in a few months Lady will form a rock band, sign a multi-million dollar record deal, write shitty songs about how her life of making music, and banging rock groupies suck. She'll sell her record to pimple face kids in black and or flannel; only to blow her head off with a shot gun after she realizes all the toad sucking had landed her an ex-stripper, heroin addict, horrible acting slut of a life partner.

You know, to think of it, I have no sympathy.

Grunt Chunkin' Monkeys

The National Geographic News website is reporting that Baboon "Gangs" are terrorizing humans that live in South African Suburbs. Seeing as how most of you don't click the links to the articles that I randomly post, I'll summarize. It seems our red assed relatives are actually breaking into homes, and causing general chaos. The article actually has some pretty funny quotes from the local residents:

"They break windows to get into houses," Laing said. "They even know how to open doors. And once inside, they make a mess. They empty the fridge, ruin furniture, and defecate all over."

"I have had them in my house several times, even while I was there. They simply brushed past me. I had to get out of the way," Laing said. "Even my husband got threatened by a baboon."

As you can tell, this is one of Africa's most intense problems, and obviously not one that can be solved by God, and his iPod.

I'm sure that science will come up with all kinds of theories and what not to support the reckless behaviors of these animals though. In fact, the article does say that's its human encroachment on their natural habitat that is the source of their tirades. Of course, the Mole has another theory. I feel it's the Eagles loss to the Saints that has these chimps in such an uproar. As you can see below they were pretty upset after Sunday's loss.


"The only difference in these two animals is that the one pictured right is house broken"

The funny thing is, the baboons in the jerseys above look similar these Neolithic bed wetters from across the Indian Ocean. Maybe this will go a long way in proving evolution?

So, yeah.....I Popped My Cherry Today

There aren't many things that get me excited. By excited I don't mean 6-year-old Christmas morning excited, nor do I mean Kanye West getting a new Mercedes excited. I mean, nervous, and I'm talking SO tight, that you can't drive a nail up my ass.

Today I had a college tryout to see if I'm good enough to call softball at the next level. I had three games today in a little round robin friendly that consisted of teams from Texas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana. My games weren't perfect, but they were solid, and I felt really great on my drive home.

You know, people do a lot of bitching and complaining about officials and the calls that are made during the course of a game. They speak on how "they" don't care, how "they" take "it" away from the kids, but you should see it from behind the mask. Anyone can be an armchair quarterback, just like everyone can see a strike or ball better when they're looking through a chain-link fence. But Quite honestly, the average person doesn't have the guts, balls, intelligence, or the mental fortitude to not only learn and apply the rules in a pressure situation, but also keep control of a continuingly volatile situation.

Hell, if reffing were easy, they'd calling it coaching......Just kidding Coach Johnson.....

Today I went out, having never so much as set foot on a college ball field, and fucking dominated. I worked my ass off. Not for the coaches, not for the fans, and not for the players, but for me. Even though it was my first time in a college situation, there wasn't a soul that knew it, but me. And that's probably why I spent the majority of my first plate game trying to choke down vomit. It's funny; I care so much about getting it right on the field that it literally makes me sick during a game.

Anyway, I'm here, I'm young, and I'm good. The NCAA is about to be changed forever.

I May Be Bad, But I Ain't "THAT" Bad

So it's that time of the year, football season. This season I've embarked upon an experiment with football officiating, I've taken on a "white hat". What does that mean? Basically, I'm the guy you'll see on Saturdays and Sundays that speaking on the mic, and giving hand signals to the crowd explaining penalties that have occurred, and what the enforcement of each foul will entail. Funny thing is, the closest guy on my crew to my age is 13 years older, and that's not to mention the coaches that "have been doin' this thang longer than I've been uh-live".

Thanks coach......


Anyway, I had to hand pick a crew. Since, most of the experienced guys where already with other crews I went into the softball kitty and found a group of guys that I knew could handle themselves in game situations. While we got off to a rough start even before the first kick off, we've managed to have really solid games, even with our lack of experience. Things are going really smooth on Fridays, and honestly, I really have to commend the coaches and players of every game we've covered this season. They've all been well mannered, and knowledgeable about the rules; well, all but one team, but they had 50 hung on them by half time. Their coach was crazy. He would not shut his mouth the entire game, and was wound up so tight that I thought the truffle shuffle was going to break out from this Chunk look-a-like.

At least he was entertaining


Anyway, all is well on the varsity side, however the weekend Lombardis of the Pee-Wee leagues are killing me, and I lost my cool last weekend. It was the fourth game of the day, the last game, and since there were only 3 of us working the games, my feet felt like bloody stumps from all of the running on the crappy pasture (field) were playing on. Not only that, I was working the sideline of a team that was getting their ass handed to them 19-0 with under a minute left. Now, the collective coaching knowledge of this group of misfits probably equaled that of Daniel McMann, so I was being the good guy and letting them roam around. I was hot, tired, and generally just didn't want to get into anything. Unfortunately for me, sometimes even when you're not looking for trouble, it'll still find you.

There we are, 15 seconds from the end of the game. The winning team has graciously given up possession on their own 6 so that the team with the goose egg on the board will have a chance to score. A pass play is called and a kid runs a route into the end zone and from my angle looks to catch a pass for a touchdown. However, the kid has his back to me, and my two partners say the ball went in and came out, incomplete pass. Since I can't see through the kid, I don't disagree, and we wave the reception off. This news isn't very pleasing to the coach though, and even with my explanation of not being from Krypton, and therefore can't see through the player to make the correct call, is not good enough.

Coach: You need to be a man; you need to make a call.
Adam: Coach, you need to take yourself and your team back to the team area. (the marked space between the 25 yard lines) I don't want to see you for the rest of the game (4 seconds), and I don't hear another word out of your mouth.
Coach: Sure *walks off waves his hand at me*

Mole: Did you see that?
Adam: What?
Mole: That guy just did the one handed blow you off wave!
Adam: I know, I'm going to be cool though, he's just another idiot dad living vicariously through his son. I mean, this guy has "COACH" on his shirt, which alone should tell you how small a package he's working with. He's not worth my time
Mole: I think you should get him, flag him for 15.
Adam: Not now, not with 4 seconds.

So after the commotion, coach 2 inch calls a sweep to my side, and his kid is tackled for no score, time's out, ball game.

Coach: You're terrible!!!
Adam: Ok coach. *walks away*
Coach2: YOU NEED TO GROW A PAIR AND MAKE A CALL!!!!!

Mole: OH NO HE DEH 'ENT!!!!! Sic 'em!!!!

Adam: What did you say?
C2: I said you need to grow a pair and make a call!!!!
C: Yeah, you're terrible.
Adam: So I'm terrible huh?
C: Yeah.
Adam: Have I been terrible the whole game?
C: Yeah.
Adam: See that score board coach, *pointing* I may be bad, but I'm not 19-0 bad. That zero is on you, because you're not good enough to prepare your kids to play a decent game.

With that, I turn and leave. I think I got my point across, what about you?