Wedding & Softball

So, it's been a while since the old Mole has posted. I know, I know, you've all been wondering what I've been up to. Well, for one, my left hand is now heavier. Yes, it's true, Christy actually agreed to sleep in the same bed with me "till death do us part". That means she's stuck with the Dutch ovens for as long as my lactose intolerant ass wants to eat ice cream.

For those that are wondering, the wedding was everything we could have dreamed of and more. I can't begin to thank the friends and family that joined us in Las Vegas, and I can't begin to explain the feelings that welled up in me watching P walk down the aisle, to say that it was surreal is an understatement. So, what does a newly wedded husband do when after he gets home? Well, if you're the Mole, you don't write thank you cards, that's what the woman is for, and she betta know her place. While P is at home being "domestic", I took a road trip.

Back in April I got selected to an ASA National, so I'm down in McAllen, TX waiting on my first game and umpire meeting. Actually, not waiting, just drunk blogging. So, since the turn out for this 16u B wasn't really high I'll try to give some updates and details later in the week about our excursion to Vegas. For now, I'll leave a link with the pics for the event, enjoy.

Wedding Pics

Dirty Star Wars Fantasies Come True!!!!

At heart I love geeky Star Wars stuff, and because of that I kinda want to see this movie. IMDB is reporting that Goya's Ghosts will feature a scene in which Natalie Portman will "bare all". Even though, the circumstance of her nudity is that she is accused of atheism and stripped as torture, I'm sure the Mole will be able to get passed that because, really, it's still Natalie Portman naked.

Cookies For The Kids

I knew it was going to be a good day today. In Austin Texas, police have confiscated a Pringles can filled with "Crack Cookies".

A picture of this is at Boing Boing's site. Click here.

***I guess the "Once you pop, you can't stop" joke is too obvious here?***

I Read Somewhere Their Periods Attract Bears. Bears Can Smell The Menstruation

I know I haven't written many updates on my NASCAR fetish but this time of the year has been dubbed "Silly Season". It's sort of like the off-season in every other sport but here it unfolds during the middle of the NASCAR season. I mean, it's literally half way through the season right now!

Anyway, drivers are leaving teams, teams are dumping drivers, and we're actually going to get some Ricky Bobby action this year as Juan Pablo Montoya is leaving F1 to come over and drive the 42 Texaco Car for Chip Ganassi Racing. Is this a big deal, probably? You see NASCAR is trying for a big diversity push and bringing in a Columbian to drive is huge on that front. Not only that, he's a proven champion as he's won it all in the American Open Wheel series CART back in 1999, is the 2000 champion of the Indy 500, but is also a multiple winner in F1. Plus, F1 is the biggest and most technologically advanced form of racing on the planet. A steering wheel for one of their cars cost roughly what an engine costs in NASCAR. While it takes millions to run a NASCAR team, it takes billions for the same effort in F1. Through all this, Montoya decided he wants to do some "real racing", as F1 racing is a line up and drive in a single file formation from the drop of the green flag style of racing. I'm pretty interested in this, so we'll have to see how it continues to develop.

On the *snap, snap* front, Ed Carpenter of the American open wheel series IRL (Indy Racing League) made a pretty funny comment in an interview on Saturday night about fellow racer Danica Patrick. You see Danica is the latest pretty face with no wins. She's won no championship in the top racing leagues, she's actually won NO races, and she's the hottest thing going because she's young, "has talent", is reasonably attractive, and a woman. All of this translates into boat loads of sponsor dollars. (The comment Mole, Focus!) So Eddie here says, of the recent talk of Danica moving to NASCAR next season since her contract in the IRL with David Letterman's team is up, is that she has what it takes to succeed in NASCAR. He states that she's plenty aggressive in open-wheel racing when it's "the right time of the month."

People, you can't make this shit up...........I think it's going to be a good day.

We get it Danica, you're 24 and hot, now go win a race or something

The Bachelor Party Experience

In keeping with the theme of The Austin Experience post, The Mole is tired. I've had a long weekend due to the efforts of some good friends that took it upon themselves to not only seek out and find women with the highest of moral fiber, but also brave the wilds of Oklahoma and the Davis Mountains (that's Oklahoma for hills). Usually we wouldn't trek up to red corn country, but if we're going to piss and shit all over God's green earth, better to do it in the U.S.'s own version of a third world country.

Since we didn't have a nurse in the group we couldn't actually main-line any of the alcohol, but rest assured that we drank enough beer (bought in Texas BTW) and whiskey this past weekend to last us at least until Vegas. Thankfully I remembered some the things overheard this weekend and here is a nice little list, enjoy.

*I wonder how hard it is to strip with a cast?

*Mole: Dude, that chick has a hemorrhoid
The Communist: I saw that, that's why I got you a lap dance from her.

*(At Subway some where in Oklahoma)
Okie: Whtwudyaliketahalf
Cage: Yams? What????? That's a topping?????

*The Communist: Hey are you going to take your bottoms off.
The Deuce: Na, she's classy.

*Did you see the pit hair on that chick?!

*It smells like Enchiladas and ass!

*I want a lap dance from the midget.

*The red man don't serve firewater in his casinos.

*(While playing penny slots)
What kind of a low rent place is this where I have to get Pepsi, instead of Coke?

*Shuffle up and deal Tonto.

*I can spot a bull dike from a mile away.

*Vet: Damn, there's a lot of Mexicans here.
Mole: Mi Familia.

*Cage: I can't eat cold hot dogs,
Vet: I've eaten meat that said not safe for human consumption....Thanks George W!

*Stripper: You sure you wanna get married?
Mole: Well, it's going to take someone hotter than you to talk me out of it.

Grillz Mah Kneee-ah!!!!

Further proof that Social Darwinism may not be such a bad idea, the Arlington School District (Dallas Suburb) has expanded its dress code:

Students may no longer wear mouth jewelry known as "grillz" (shiny teeth caps) or the earlobe-stretching practice knows as "gauging."

This seems not only be an issue there, but other nearby districts Grand Prairie and Desoto have also ban grillz and will address gauging. The link above goes on to state that the students say body modification is simply self-expression. Mr. Devonte Wright, 16 says, "Really, a grill is just like an earring. It's fashion." The reality though is Mr. Wright probably doesn't have the mental capacity to write his name. However, I'm sure he can tell you just how much a set of "twa-ne fo's" for his 85 primered Caprice will cost. Honestly, this whole issue makes the image of this T-Shirt come to mind:



Oh, and you can purchase the shirt here.

Then we have the issue of gaugeing. I guess it's not bad enough that these kids want to emulate shitty rappers, and equally shitty emo bands with removable items such as clothing and grillz, but they also want to create physical deformities on their bodies. So, I guess the message here is, "Hey! EMO FAG!!!! If you'd stop gelling the hair in your eyes long enough you'll see that Accenture isn't hiring people that look like this."

I really don't think it's the fact I'm getting older that this is bugging me, I think it's fact that I don't want to support you through welfare when you're 38 and playing the local open mic trying to "make it".

Vince Young, Movie Star!!!!!!!!

This is without a doubt the most boring part of year for sports. We have Men in Tights, Communist Football, Stand Around, and NASCAR to choose from. The Mole, I'm good with NASCAR, but the rest just don't charge me up all that much. George Hincapie is 5th over in the Tour de Tights, but no one really notices since Lance Armstrong isn't racing. Stand Around is just that, and even its stars don't want to play in the All-Star game. I've seen more flopping watching the World Cup than the entire career of Vlade Divac; and he MADE an NBA career around it.

I miss football. However, the season is right around the corner what with training camp coming up and all. Since the new ESPY commercials are touting Vince Young and his performance in the BCS National Championship game, I'm sure it's a matter of time before we're endlessly pounded with, "When will Vince take over the Titian's offence". With Vince Young poised to be a media darling because of all this, I've wondered if he'd take the route of Brian Bosworth (Stone Cold) and try to make it in the movies. Two roles that would have fit him perfect have already come and gone but, Vince, Hollywood is into remakes.........

Taking into consideration his "remarkable" Wonderlic test score Vince could have made a great Radio


Also, with his "unique" throwing motion, he would have been a perfect choice for Uncle Rico