Hi, I’m Stone, and I’m Mole’s son, cute huh?
Stone is a bit of an odd name but at least he and mom, P, gave me a reasonable middle name unlike those pretentious cockholster movie stars that name their kids “Apple”, or “Pilot Inspektor”.Hell, they probably use iPhones and sign each text with, “sent from my iPhone.As a child of the new millennium I don’t hate people that use iPhones.They’re cool gadgets and I’m sure my dad would have one if his corporate discount worked with Apple’s phone and data plan, but those people who don’t turn their auto sig off on iPhones deserved to be beaten with my shriveled and dried umbilical cord, douche bags.
So, a little about me, I’m 10 days old, and LOVE milk, thanks mom.My favorite thing to do currently is crap immediately after my dad sticks the last tab of my diaper down.If I’m feeling really frisky I’ll piss on him the second go round, but I try to mix it up from time to time; gotta keep it fresh.I love watching the Cowboys but they’ll never win a Super Bowl with Tony Romo at the Quarterback position. Oh and Sunday following my birth the Cowboys were on a bi-week so they didn’t play.Even so, I realized that the world would be a better place if Terrell Owens would die a long painful death from syphilis.I don’t like Ed Hardy T-Shirts because I’m intelligent, and I don’t wear Affliction T-Shirts because a) being a new born I look enough like a chimpanzee, I don’t need people to think I have the intellect of one and b) I don’t have muscles, like 99.9% of the people wearing them.
I watch NASCAR with dad but I watch it for the wrecks, which kind of pisses him off.My dad is a cool guy and all but this NASCAR thing just doesn't fit with anything else in his life.I guess everyone is weird in some form or fashion, hell, he tells me that people think Oprah is a good person, right? Talk about a walking talking pile of first baby poop.She’s a corporate puppet, selling Tom Cruise, mental therapy, and countless other needless crap to fat, worthless, soulless, mindless women who also watch Sex and the City, cows. Speaking of animals, I think all Eagles fans are Baboons that learned to talk.
I also think Obama stole “Yes We Can” from Dora the Explorer.
So to sum it all up, I’m here people, get used to me.I hope to meet all of you one day, and if you’re lucky, I’ll piss on you too.
Stone Douglas
