Friday, August 31

Who's Da Boss?!

With the Mole's continuing education policy enacted here, I give you the latest edition to our English language, such as. This new Term is Tony Danza which is defined as, "a sexual position in which, while giving it from behind, you yell out who’s the boss?" Confused, the girl will respond You are! At that moment, you donkey punch her in the back of thead and scream NO! TONY DANZA IS!!!! Used in a sentence:
Oh man, I totally pwned Jeff's girlfriend last week when I gave her a Tony Danza.
There you go, south africa. Use it this holiday weekend and let me know how it works out, the Iraq. Be safe, be drunk, and be da boss.

Mole

Friday, August 17

Mini Buddha: A Wealth Of Knowledge

The Mole considers himself cool. And like Ricky Bobby's ad for Big Red, if you don't think so then fuck you. The bad news is age is catching up with the Mole so it's hard to keep up with or even understand some of the new things in pop-culture (i.e. Unk's Walk It Out). The Mole had it confused with "walking it off", but it's actually a song about dancing, WOW. These new rap guys, so subtle, and intellectual.

Anyway, to keep with the times, the Mole is going to start a weekly posting out of Urban Dictionary so that all of my friends and passers buy can keep up with these crazy kids, and hopefully be able to incorporate some of these words into your lexicon. Who knows, you may be seen as edgy at your next board meeting with a word like SHOKE. Shoke is defined as the act of smoking a cigarette while taking a shit. Used in a sentence:
"I burned my nuts ashing while taking a shoke this morning."
So there you go, from P's brother mouth, defined by Urban Dictionary, and brought to you by Mini Buddha.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Happy Birthday Daisy Duke!

The Mole is a dog guy, and at the Mole Hole, P and I have two and half dogs. The Mole has a Boxer named Daisy Duke, and a Blue Heeler named Ashley (Ash). P also has a rat (that we call a dog) named Tula. She supposedly is a cross between a Poodle and Pekingese, but the Mole just thinks it's a large rodent.

Anyway, Daisy is a sweet grrr, and a good grrr, and she's turning 5, so I've ordered her a new chew toy. I hope she has it forever and it's as hard to destroy as his genital warts.

My Feelings On Jr. And His New Number

FUCK TERESA EARNHARDT! FUCK HER UP HER STUPID PETTY ASS. THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER PLACE IF SHE HAD DRIVEN THE #3 AT DAYTONA BACK IN 2001!

I HOPE SHE DIES A LONG PAINFUL DEATH FROM SYPHILIS.

That is all.

Monday, August 6

Aggieland Will Always Be Special To The Mole?

There are many things in life that will burn an unforgettable image into your mind. It could be terrifying memories of finding out that your Grandmother died on Christmas morning, or watching your grandfather struggle is a semi-state of consciousness after a heart attack. It can also include awesome memories of trying to muster the ability to recite the vows of your marriage, or hitting a running back so hard that he has to leave the game.

This past week, the Mole took vacation to go work. Some are probably thinking Mole, that's pretty masochistic, and you'd be right. But, my hobby, as most of you know, is officiating, and in order to do it I have to take vacation. So, P and I loaded down the car, brought the dog, and headed off to Bryan/College Station for the USA/ASA 18A National Championship tournament. From Monday July 30th to Sunday August 5th the Mole worked 17 games in a tournament that included 134 teams from 38 states. This is the second highest youth tournament in the Nation behind only the 18 Gold that you'll see this next weekend on ESPN. First, you would expect that from my previous umpiring accounts that there was probably a blow up, and the Mole would have some story to tell about a jackass coach saying or doing something stupid. To be honest though, all the teams were very pleasant. It was impressive to see so many good athletes and good coaches all in one tournament.

Enough about the teams.

This tournament also included an umpire roster that had two dozen+ DI umpires, an umpire that worked the Atlanta Olympics, not to mention the other various DII, DIII, and JUCO umpires in attendance. End the end though, the Umpire In Charge(UIC)and his assistants, had to pick four people to work the championship game. The Mole was one of those. Not only that, the UIC and one of his assistants, a woman who worked behind the plate in the championship game of the World Cup of Softball two weeks ago on ESPN, personally told me they enjoyed watching the Mole's plate game. For two umpires of this caliber to speak those words made an overwhelming feeling of pride rush all over the old Mole, it nearly brought me to tears when the championship assignments were announced.

The championship game was amazing. Two teams from California duked it out like a heavyweight boxing match, with the team from the winner’s bracket finally managing to come back and win 7-6. The crew the Mole was with never missed a call, and though I only got to work first, I found out afterwards that I was second choice to work the plate to my friend, and mentor who is a Big XII umpire. The Mole counts that as an honor indeed.

In the aftermath of it all, it looks like the Mole is going to get to start working a DII schedule, and is going to be one of six umpires to go to the Big XII tryout up in Oklahoma at OU in September. I wasn't one of the best umpires at this tournament by far. But for the staff to see the potential, and give me that assignment, the emotions and tears I had to choke down with the announcement of my name as a part of crew is a feeling I'll never forget. The Sunday before games started last week, at the opening ceremonies, I told my friend and mentor that I would one day call on the field of Lady Aggie, the softball field there at TexasA&M University. One week later, I was there working first base, in the biggest game of my life......and it was
awesome.